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四级快到了!求帮忙修改一篇四级英语作文吧!感激不尽!这是我写的一篇四级英语作文,帮我找出其中写错的地方和表达不够地道或准确的地方,总之就是找出你不满意的地方就行了,然后再把你
1人问答
更新时间:2022-06-29
问题描述:

四级快到了!求帮忙修改一篇四级英语作文吧!感激不尽!

这是我写的一篇四级英语作文,帮我找出其中写错的地方和表达不够地道或准确的地方,总之就是找出你不满意的地方就行了,然后再把你的写法写在下面给我参考就可以了!四级快到了!感激不尽!

LivingaloneorLivingwithroommates

WrittenbyZhaoLee

Whenaskedaboutcollegestudentsshouldlivealoneorlivewithroommates,differentstudentswillhavedifferentpreferences.Somestudentschoosetolivealone,whileotherswouldratherlivewithroommates.

Thosestudentswhomaketheformerchoicebelievelivingalonecanmakethemenjoymorepeaceandquiet.Besides,theyargue,undersuchpeacefulconditions,theycanfocustheirattentionontheirownstudyeasily,learningefficientlyandgainmoreknowledge.However,stillotherstudentschoosetolivewithroommates.Fromtheirperspectives,collegecareerincludesnotonlylearningbutalsohowtocopewithotherpeople.Inaddition,theyholdthepointthatlivingwithroommatesisconvenientforthemtomakefriendswitheachother.

Astome,IaminclinedtolivewithroommatessinceIamnotgoodatfittinginwithotherpeersanddormlifemaybenefitme.Furthermore,IcangetimmediatehelpfromstudentsaroundmewhenIalonecannothandleamatter.Giventhesefactors,IthinkI’dbetterlivewithroommates.

姜传贤回答:
  Whenaskedaboutcollegestudentsshouldlivealoneorlivewithroommates,differentstudentswillhavedifferentpreferences.Somestudentschoosetolivealone,whileotherswouldratherlivewithroommates.(用while的时候尽量保持两个句子的时态一致,因为while有隐含的同时发生的意思,但这是个小问题)   Thosestudentswhomaketheformerchoicebelieve(书面语中最好不要省略that,因为要引导句子)livingalonecanmakethemenjoymorepeaceandquiet.(没有错误但是有些拗口,can,make这样的动词范围太大,适当换成更为精致的动词)Besides,theyargue(that),undersuchpeacefulconditions,theycanfocustheirattentionontheirownstudyeasily,learning(与前后动词保持平行用learn)efficientlyandgainmoreknowledge.However,stillotherstudentschoosetolivewithroommates.Fromtheirperspectives,collegecareerincludesnotonlylearningbutalsohowtocopewithotherpeople.(英语讲求美的平行,notonly..butalso...后面接平行的形式会使句子更为漂亮,如notonlyhowto...butalsohowto...)Inaddition,they(这个代词指代得也太远了~直接用名词更好)holdthepointthatlivingwithroommatesisconvenientforthem(指代不清楚,有指代roommates的歧义)tomakefriendswitheachother.(用otherclassmates更清晰)   Astome,IaminclinedtolivewithroommatessinceIamnotgoodatfittinginwithotherpeersanddormlifemaybenefitme.Furthermore,IcangetimmediatehelpfromstudentsaroundmewhenIalonecannothandleamatter(alone放到句末).Giventhesefactors,IthinkI’dbetterlivewithroommates.   很大的问题没有.如果是四级的话应该是还可以的吧.个人觉得代词用得太多,使得中间部分很模糊,说了那么多他们他们他们,谁知道指的是什么呢?能用名词的时候尽量用名词要显得清楚简洁得多.恩.
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